Posted by: Annatonic on: October 11, 2009
I made an executive decision today – I pressed the ‘Cancel Subscription’ button on my unharmonious eHarmony membership. That’s it, people, no more virtual men for me. Whooohoooooo! Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it’s with a computer. It forced me to fill out my current “status” before giving into my wishes. Was I: [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: October 6, 2009
I disappeared this week. Total silence all around. I was starting to get “I know you’re busy but…” text messages and phone calls from loved ones of the “are you ok?” variety. Blame my boss and a no-minute-spared workathon. And what did my would-be dates think? To them I was just MIA. There you have [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 28, 2009
At summer camp you were paired off into buddies, so if you never surfaced when the canoe tipped over somebody would notice. Or if you went to day camp you were paired off at the zoo, so if you were eaten by a boa constrictor, somebody would notice. Then some twenty-seven years later your date [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 25, 2009
And now for The World’s Dumbest Question: why are you still single? Duh, because I’m totally awesome, you say, and there simply can’t be that many totally awesome people in the world. THAT’S WHY. It’s not really the question so much as the people asking it. You never hear single people asking each other why we’re [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 22, 2009
I found a stray hair on my thigh. Just one little blonde rebel poking out to say HAHA! I promptly plucked it, but now my eye will forever wander that patch. Will the rebel return? Will he be longer and fiercer next time? Is he planning on relocating? Groan. Wouldn’t it be nice to be [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 20, 2009
When’s the last time you ran into Aaron Eckhart in a hotel lobby? I’m sorry, but if Aaron Eckhart was walking towards me, I’d hardly have my back to him. Hel-lo, beautiful man! Ok, so maybe I would spontaneously spill my files on him too, or just drop my laptop on his toes. Surely a [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 16, 2009
I refill my water bottles, mend my New York-worn trousers and separate my tuna from my milk cartons. Couldn’t I recycle a boyfriend too? It’s not just eco-friendly. It’s necessary. Ok, in my head at least. The bachelors in my radius have been rather uninspiring of late. Maybe my aim is off or I’m just walking [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 14, 2009
I met my future husband. Our connection would have really blossomed, if it weren’t for those sweaty people wrapped around the southern pole…of the 6 train. Dangit! Yah you, meathead, you’re blocking my view. Bake me a future husband cake, Mr Lovely on the Train, because you have all the ingredients. Those nutmeggy eyes, [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 10, 2009
News just in from the great gods of matching! The gaggle of men in your inbox think you look really hot at 4 am on a Friday. And not so hot at 9am on a Sunday. Excuse me as I clear my throat, a-hem. This news flash, courtesy of an unsolicited eHarmony Advice newsletter, made me [...]
Posted by: Annatonic on: September 8, 2009
I’ve relocated. Single person on vacation – hold on to your tables for one! Two days ago, I packed my DVF on wheels and amtracked it to Mystic, Connecticut, home of a movie famous pizzeria and a drawbridge that pulls up for people with expensive, and very tall, sailboats. The mission: to detach both brain and body [...]
